The Value of Discipline

by Mark Gordon

I have been in a bit of a transition lately which has led me into some self-discovery. There is a real desire in my heart to take my leadership skill to another level. For most of my life “discipline” was a FOUR LETTER WORD. I avoided it because it had negative experiences attached to it. I have discovered that my view of discipline was simply wrong as I always saw it as punitive rather than liberating. I know you may be thinking, “Liberating, are you kidding me?!?”

On this quest, I have been trying to figure out what my limitations were and why did it seem that I had a certain measure of success but never quite accomplished what I saw in my heart or dreams. I mused over laziness, lack of focus, lack of knowledge, lack of commitment and so on. I thought maybe more training, more hours, more money or more knowledge would get me to where I wanted to go. However none of the ‘Lacks’ or the ‘Mores’ really answered the question in my heart until the thought came to me “I simply need to be disciplined” YIKES!!

I started thinking about all what all that meant. It would mean accountability, it would mean cracking the whip, trying harder & harder but still failing. As I went through the thought in my heart I finally realized that my concept of discipline came from the wrong place. I saw it as a list of do’s and don’ts. What I have discovered is that it is more about YES & No. Yes to what brings life to me and no to what does not. In my experience, discipline has always come from an external source based on others' expectations. For example, a teacher or parent punishing me because I did not do something the way I was expected to. Everyone seemed to have an opinion on how I was to learn. I always struggled with remembering what I studied so I did poorly on tests, and then my report card would say “if Mark only applied himself he would do better.” Well I thought I had applied myself and I just didn’t understand it so I gave up trying to study (I now realize that my learning style is by ‘doing’). It is always “me” trying to measure up to “them.” Unfortunately many times it would just make me feel stupid so I eventually gave up and quit school. The problem is that it became a pattern for me that and I eventually broke. I would have a creative idea - begin to act on it and then someone would try and change the way I did it. “You should do it this way” they would say…I would fail and quit.

As a result I would run from anything structured or organized and that demanded me to do it someone else’s way! Anytime I thought of discipline I would cringe. The bottom line is that my leadership skills have hit a ceiling and the ceiling is a discipline problem. So how can I have a disciplined life and still be free - I am discovering the value of discipline is freedom!

The key for me was not to be disciplined by someone else’s abilities, personality, and skill set but MINE!! I have begun to be disciplined in what I need to do according to my goals and destiny. Let me give you three easy principals/steps I found worked for me:

1. FIND YOUR RHYTHM. I was always told the early bird gets the worm so if I was disciplined at getting up early I would be more successful. So I would decide, "Ok Mark you are going to get up early every morning this week and be more efficient." Only one problem: after the first day when I could not open my eyes and my brain wouldn’t function, the new found plan fell into the ever growing failure basket in my thinking. I was so demotivated that I would give up on ideas or projects and my goals were not met. Find out what works for you, look at when you are at your best. When you have the most energy and creativity. I am a nighthawk and I have discovered that my mind is alert and my creativity is just waking up about 9 to 11pm. (it is 9:15pm right now as I write this) I had to find ‘my’ time to do ‘my’ best work then the discipline was a lot easier. I still needed the discipline to complete my tasks as there are many distractions everyday however the discipline would produce a benefit if I did.
   

2. FIND YOUR STRENGTHS – discover your strengths and match discipline to them. An example in my life is my gifting vs. time spent on a task. I looked at what I am good at, which is “Inspiring, Facilitating, Connecting” I then looked at my tasks and appointments within a week and how many hours I spent on what I am strong at…it was shocking! No wonder I had no discipline - 80 percent of my time was spent on things that had nothing to do with my destiny or gifts. In short discipline was making me do more of the stuff I hated and it’s no wonder I threw discipline out the window. The reality was I spent time in the name of discipline to work on my weaknesses rather than spending that energy and time on my strengths and making them stronger. Discipline is easier when you see results. Focus on what is strong not what is wrong!

3. FIND YOUR PASSION – Discipline was a lot easier when I loved doing something. I discovered I am passionate about inspiring people and realized that I could do that anywhere, anytime and it changed the way I saw the job I was doing at the time. It brought joy to the tasks I did not necessarily like because I knew that the outcome would be inspiration for those around me. When you are passionate about something the value of discipline is that you get to do it more often and get better at doing it. Knowing what you’re passionate about actually produces discipline in your life. Now I realize in life we all have things we ‘have to’ do that we don’t like but the value of discipline is that if you get them done you are free to do what you ‘love’ to do. Your passion brings perspective to everything else you do.
   

My motivation for a more disciplined life is now changed as I no longer see it as punitive but as freeing. The more I function in a lifestyle of discipline the more I am seeing freedom to reach my goal of excellence in leadership!! Start today - look at your schedule and find your rhythm, discover your strengths and focus on them, and then apply both to what you are passionate about and you will see discipline as an ally rather than a foe

Ultimate Destiny

by Ben Gumienny

The concept of destiny has been coming up frequently as of late. I’ve been contrasting myself with the team that I work with at The Bridge. It seems like each member has such a strong sense of their dreams and purpose in life but for me sometimes it seems to be shrouded from my sight. I’ve been asking myself questions like: “What is my dream? What should I be aiming towards? Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? (who me-yes you-wasn’t me-then who?)”

A friend of mine told me this week that he’s been realizing how easy it is to get stuck in routine and lose the meaning of what we do. He’s tired of feeling like he is just working to get money but that his heart is not connected to it. He is taking his own advice to pursue his dreams even if it means a 10-15 year regimented process in his life. I admire his courage as well as his willingness to pay the price to pursue what he’s passionate about.

Last week a group of friends gathered to watch the first installment of a video series called “Destiny by Design”. One of the concepts that arose from the discussion was that destiny is a bit of a buzz word nowadays and that sometimes our focus on fulfilling our destiny can become another form of self centeredness. It’s easy to see life as an opportunity to find my own happiness through using my gifts and abilities to succeed. However, Jesus seems to indicate that success is found in laying down our gifts and abilities, even our lives, for others and for His glory.

So, as much as I can feel lost at times in knowing exactly what path to follow, some things are clear. I don’t need to know my specific destiny in order to lay my life down and serve those around me. In fact, I am beginning to think that as I seek to love and serve those around me my destiny will come more into focus. “If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.” (Luke 9:24) So, in simple ways everyday as I am open to others around me in my life and seek to love and bless them over myself, perhaps I will find a sense of destiny unfolding. In short – one destiny we all share is to serve and love.

Standing in a Hole

In life there are times we find ourselves in a hole. You can call it depression or discouragement but it feels like a deep dark hole. I recently experienced one myself. I was thinking about these holes we find ourselves in from time to time and about how we get there. At times I have found myself standing in a hole that someone else dug and other times I am the one doing the digging. However either way I always have the choice to step out of or over the hole. So here are my thoughts!

Standing in a hole - is when we stand in a hole someone else digs...It could be someone who has hurt us by their actions or words. Maybe a friend betrayed you or a family member has severed relationship. I recently said that the way you can guarantee disappointment in relationships is to expect them to be perfect. Yet we do just that so we find ourselves in a hole dug by someone else. Another classic way to have someone dig a hole for you is to take on a third party offence or stick your nose into someone else’s problems... Whichever way you get there you are clearly standing in a hole and it is a tough place to be and a tough place to get out of.

Digging a hole - is when we dig our own hole through attitude or actions...from being angry to treating others badly, many times it comes from an insecurity or fear in our hearts. The battle of the mind rages on. It is so easy for us to talk ourselves into despair if we are not diligent in being positive and seeing from God’s perspective. The tough part is that sometimes we know we are digging but keep going because we feel like we blew it so somehow we deserve to be in the hole. So we keep digging and digging feeling sorry for ourselves. This is the hardest hole to dig out of.

Climbing out... The best way to climb out of a hole is to use a ladder...so picture a ladder with me for a moment. It is made up of two vertical sides and several horizontal rungs. The two sides are longer then the rungs and are foundational to the strength of the ladder. In our life the sides are like internal choices and the rungs like external actions. The sides of the ladder represent Faith and Trust. Faith and Trust come from within you, they are the choices you make based on the goodness and faithfulness of God so it is not emotional or affected by external circumstances. To climb out of a hole you need to have faith no matter how small, in Jesus, knowing that He only has His best in mind for you; that He has plans for you that are good. Trust can be difficult - especially when you cannot even trust yourself or when others have broken it. However, trusting God is very different because it is not based on your emotions or circumstances. It is totally based on His word and He has never broken His word, He has never failed you and in fact has already done everything needed for you to trust Him. When your faith and trust in God are strong you have a solid frame to lay the rungs on so you can begin to climb out of the hole.

There are many rungs you can put in, I suppose it would depend on how deep the hole is. Here are a few to get you started. Remember the rungs are external actions that come from the internal choice to walk in faith and trust in the Lord. Here are some rungs:

Forgiveness – is not accepting what was done but choosing to step out of it

Grace – is giving unmerited favour to someone who does not deserve it

Servanthood – is serving without expectation of reward

Generosity – is giving without measurement

As you can see each of these rungs are verbs. They are an action that you must actually choose to do. It is hard to stay in a hole dug by someone else when you forgive them and extend grace. It is hard to keep digging a hole when you are serving with generosity and love those who are stuck in their own. These choices are not easy and in the natural may be impossible but when surrounded by faith and trust they become strong and easier to do.

Of course the best way to get out of a hole is to not step in it in the first place...

Stepping over the hole is recognizing there is a problem in you or others and choosing to step over the hole - simply lay the ladder over top and walk across. This is living a lifestyle of faith and trust, living them out in Love and all the rungs mentioned here plus others. Sometimes the holes are covered up or disguised so we may not see them to step over, ie. a sudden death of family member. However, we can still step out of it with the ladder. Stepping over is not ignoring but recognizing it for what it is and choosing to step over anyway.

Mark Gordon has a strong gifting of encouragement combined with supernatural wisdom that makes him a great mentor and friend. Mark is in the midst of selling his home and all the "fun" that goes with it!

Life is Like a Popsicle, Man

I think I am jealous of Forrest Gump. To be able to be so unaware is a feat in itself. However, to be sort of simple and unaware yet find yourself partaking in and even making history at so many different junctures throughout your life is remarkable. I think that deep down most people want to be a hero. Forrest just seemed to stumble upon heroism and success, yet his simplicity kept him from being corrupted by any of it. And his level of faith was amazing as well. Whatever his momma said, that was enough for him. He could easily filter his existence through her words of wisdom. Who can forget “Life is like a box of chocolates…”? I know I can’t. So, I came up with my own catch-phrase:

I think that life is like a Popsicle.

Before I met my wife, I was truly unaware of what it meant to savor food. I guess I must have been a bit like a ravenous wolf or something, but whenever I had a chocolate bar, I usually ate the whole thing; ditto with chips or deserts or ice cream Blizzards from Dairy Queen. Not so with my wife. She could turn even the smallest treat into a journey into a land of milk and honey. And I do mean a journey. I remember how surprised I was the first time she bought a chocolate bar, “hmm’ed” and “yum’ed” over one square and then put the rest away to save for another day. This was completely off my radar. I mean, it wasn’t even a family size bar or anything (which I have been known to knock off in one sitting anyway). It was just a normal-sized bar. I had never failed to finish a normal chocolate bar in more than 10 minutes. Yet she made it last for months. When we moved to Thailand, it got even worse. Now we were talking about tastes that were from Home and that she wouldn’t be able to have again for months on end. Suddenly we had bits of all sorts of things in our refrigerator.

However, some things don’t keep as well as others. She couldn’t finish a Dairy Queen blizzard to save her life and sometimes she would even save parts of Popsicles in our freezer. It actually became a bit of a point of contention between us. I figured that she forgot about many of these treats that she had saved for herself. My general rule was that if it had been in the fridge for more than 2 weeks it was fair game. Not so much. She would eventually remember the treat or (more likely) it was missing from her usual scenery. Then I was in trouble. I remember one time opening our freezer and finding all of these odds and ends of frozen deserts like an ice cream truck graveyard. I decided to liberate some of these treasures, only to find that they were no longer worth eating. The Popsicles had a bad case of freezer burn coupled with a minor snow build-up and the Blizzards had turn to some kind of chemical-and-sugar goo. It would seem that Popsicles are just not meant to be stored over long periods of time.

And thus begins my metaphor. Life is like a Popsicle, man. (I don’t know why I put the “man” in there – it just made it seem more contemplative, I guess – like you are getting advice from your hip older cousin who has traveled a lot or something.) A Popsicle is packed full of sweet flavor and is a wonderful treat on a hot summer day. It will cool you down and pick you up. I love to have Popsicles all the time (that should satisfy our sponsors – this post, by the way, is brought to you in part by Nestle™).

Popsicles are not, in my opinion, something that is meant to be kept and hoarded so that they can be experienced over a long time period. Popsicles are meant to be enjoyed in the moment. In fact, if you start to enjoy one and then get distracted by other things, it will melt and you will miss your chance. Trying to save part of one for later is like trying to rehash an old inside joke or horde manna – it is just not the same the second or third (or in my wife’s case fifth or sixth) time. Life is much the same. It is fleeting and transient. There are so many wonderful moments to be treasured and savored. Yet, when we cling to these times, it is like trying to keep them in the freezer for later. It’s never quite the same as when we experienced it the first time.

We can get stuck always living in the past or even in the future and miss out on the “now”. We won’t have this moment ever again. Sometimes I get into a mentality of living for the weekend. All through my work week I am looking forward to Friday night – when I can really begin to live. That means that I am spending almost three quarters of my life wishing I was in a different time and place. I can’t wait to get into that freezer and check out last weekend’s Popsicle. Like Pascal said, “We are never living, but always hoping to live.”

Sometimes it seems we are just too busy. We are like the 5 year old who sits mesmerized by his favorite cartoon while his Popsicle slowly runs down his sticky hands. We are caught up in things that are keeping us from realizing the happiness that is right within our grasp. We can’t focus on life’s simple joys because we are too busy running from one thing to another. By the time we make time for these little treasures, the moment is gone and we feel vaguely sticky and disappointed.

Or we take the more adult approach and drop it in the freezer for later. How many people in our lives feel that we have put them aside because we don’t have the time to enjoy them now? What are we communicating when there is always a more pressing need than being with those who are important in our lives? It’s true that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, but a well-maintained wheel doesn’t get squeaky. When we finally do go back to the freezer and try to spend time with these people later, we wonder why they are so “frosty”. In some cases, like freezer burn they just can’t be restored again.

We never know how long we have to spend with the people who matter to us. I recently reconnected with a friend right as he was in the middle of his young wife’s battle with cancer. They are the same age as my wife and I. She passed away after a courageous fight with the disease before they could celebrate ten years of marriage. We all have only a season on Earth and only God knows the number of our days. As John Lennon put it, “Life is what happens as we are making other plans”.

Finally, Popsicles are meant to be enjoyed in hot seasons. The average person doesn’t look to enjoy a Popsicle in subzero weather. Popsicles are for summer in the same way that hot chocolate is for winter. I am a summer man through and through. In fact, one of the numerous reasons that I moved to Thailand was because I couldn’t stand the unpredictable snows of my hometown in Canada anymore. I spent a lot of winters wishing for the snow to melt and for spring to usher in a new summer. When I moved to Thailand in a place that ranges from warm to dripping, sweaty hot, I missed some of the pleasures of the other seasons. Each season has its own joys. Autumn has its bright-colored leaves and crisp air, winter its hushed landscapes muted by soft-falling snow, spring its newness and life-giving rains and summer its fruitfulness and long days of outdoor revelry. I’m sure for each season you could add your own personal enjoyments to the list.

Life can’t be all summer. Even in Thailand which is close to the equator, there are cool and rainy seasons. The color on the canvas of life is in the changing of the seasons. We have happy seasons and sad ones, mountaintop seasons and valley experiences, times of famine and of feasting. Sometimes everything flows easily and other times it seems as if every day we are just trying to keep our heads above the water. Yet, in every season there are joys to be found. Even in the most difficult times we can find gold being minted into our character. We can come out stronger and more capable than before. We always savor the Popsicles of summer, but we can look beyond the loneliness of winter to its own beauty and the hope of an eventual spring.

So, I have my Forrest Gump-esque catch phrase. Life is like a Popsicle, man…” Now, I wonder if that will lead to meeting a few presidents, becoming a war hero, ping pong champion and multi-millionaire. Probably not, but then again I guess I can never fully know what path my life might take. In the end I guess the most important thing is to take time to “stop and lick the Popsicles” as it were and leave the freezer options in life to others.

Ben is blessed to work with an excellent team at The Bridge. He particularly values how God has called them all to walk closely together in this season. "Together we stand an will not fall".