Authentic Relationships

Relationships can be the most complicated painful part of your life. The paradox is they can also be the most rewarding and greatest blessing. My parents were married 60 years before my dad passed away and I don’t remember one fight. They were a great couple, my dad used to joke that they didn’t need a dishwasher because he was a built in one. The thing is that he always treated my mom like a queen honoring her at every opportunity. I was talking to a friend the other night and helping her navigate through a relational issue and I made the following statement which I believe came from the heart of God!

“The key in every relationship is that if you can’t be yourself in it, then you need to look inward and ask, ‘Why can’t I?’” I think if I can’t be myself with people I hang out with then there is something wrong, either in my heart or theirs (I can only change mine). In thinking about all this and asking those questions I realized how much of our lives we spend on trying to make people like us. Insecurity and the desire to be accepted make us do all kinds of crazy things that just aren’t who we are. If people don’t like me “for me” then are they really a friend? Then if they get to know the “fake me” do they love me or the person I pretend to be. Imagine with me for moment if we actually invested the same amount of time working on authentic relationships, strengthening them, investing in them and enjoying them. Battling through the tough times but sticking together. If you had to do an inventory of your relationships and had to separate the real from the fake how many friends would you have left. Personally I would rather have one or two real authentic relationships then a hundred shallow fake ones. I would rather be unpopular and loved by a few then popular at the cost the authenticity. Jesus said no greater love is this “that they would lay their lives down for a friend” then He did it. That is the kind of friend who accepts you for who you are and sticks with you through everything. Jesus lived for us long before He died for us. So how can you tell if someone is authentic?

1. They aren’t in a hurry - It takes time, don’t be in hurry, be at peace with who you are and you will attract people who know who they are and both will be patient in the process. My best friends are the longest relationships I have.

2. They are transparent - if they can’t be transparent about themselves then they won’t care what is going on in you. They know they have weaknesses and will be honest about them.

3. They listen well – Authentic people genuinely care about what you have to say. They practice active listening to ensure they understand your heart more then the information you share or what you can do for them.

4. They stay in the storm – when troubles do come through misunderstandings they seek to make things right, they can say sorry and take responsibility for their part. If it is always your fault it’s not real.

5. They love God more then you – if they demand your love above God’s it is a problem. Authentic people will not be insecure about you loving other people or God. They don’t demand all your attention they give you space to grow other relationships in addition to theirs. In fact they encourage it because they know it will enrich both your lives.

Hope this helps you look at your relationships and invest most of your time with the authentic ones…God first, Family…Friends!

Mark has worked hard to see these type of relationships become the cultural norm at The Bridge. It is definitely a place of family and authenticity. Mark is gearing up for Christmas and looking forward to time with family.