A Bad Day's Work

This article was written nearly three years ago in Thailand but still holds relevant insight:

Recently I had a very bad day. It was one of those days that started rotten from the moment I woke up after missing my prayer time and just seemed to keep on trucking down the Bad Day Expressway. I made some mild attempts to fight it – maybe even tried harder than I usually might have. I asked my wife to pray for me (a big thing for a strong man like myself), tried briefly for prayer on my own and even toyed with my E-Sword Bible software, giving up after about 28 seconds of trying to make sense of 1 John 2 in the King James.

At the end of the day, I found myself sitting on my bed in my room (which is also my couch) unable to shake the oppressive feeling that seemed to have latched on to me. Throughout the day I had found myself getting angry over things that didn’t usually bother me, worked up about things that don’t faze me and stressed about nothing. So, I sat there in my end-of-the-day time, trying to figure out what to do next.

For some reason, I found myself more aware than usual. I knew that if I watched a DVD or played on the computer I would just be trying to distract myself from whatever was happening inside me. My wife came and suggested we get out or do something fun like play cards but I knew that if I did that I would just be trying to comfort myself without really dealing with whatever was happening inside of me. It wasn’t complicated. When I thought about what I needed to do, I clearly knew that what was out of joint in me was that I needed time with my Heavenly Dad. If I just spent some minutes with Him, sitting on His lap and letting Him love me, I would be fixed up proper and be able to re-enter my world in a much different mood.

Yet, I felt resistance to this idea. I didn’t want this to be the answer – didn’t want it to be so simple. Judging from the surprised look on my wife’s face when I suggested I would take some time to pray through, it is not often that I do accept this answer either. Why am I so resistant to needing to spend time with God in order to be right with the world? I think I am worried about being too weak to do it myself. I think it is lame or hokey if I need some “prayer time” (this should be said with a southern twang) in order to be a happy fellow.

I imagine the look on my friend’s face after I emerge from my room now thoroughly “Christed” and peaceful and I answer his questioning look with a suave but casual, “Just needed some God time.” I don’t like that look – it says, “I like you enough to overlook this weird conversation.” Clearly my pride is in the way of living out the truth of my dependence on God. Deep down I want to do it myself and resist any “crutch” to lean on. Funny thing is that I’ve always been the kind of guy to say, “If Christianity is a crutch, then give me two!” (and of course I would get that same look again) It seems, however, that there is a gap between what I know to be true and the living out of that truth.

For the same reasons that I struggle to pray with my wife, receive advice about areas of strength and read directions before assembling furniture, I run from an intimate, daily walk with God. I don’t want to humble myself, be vulnerable to rejection or failure and admit my inability to do life on my own. When Paul says that in 2 Cor. 12 that God’s “strength is made perfect in our weakness”, he is also saying that we need to open our weakness to God so He can infuse it with His strength. Paul was talking about a thorn in the flesh, but God’s answer seems to shows that He is referring to a much wider scope of weakness. Maybe that thorn in the flesh was sent to reveal Paul’s weakness because his pride was getting in the way. I guess this is the same reason that God is using this bad day to be a mirror to me. God, help me to humble myself before You. Help me to recognize that admitting my need is aligning myself with You and choosing to be strong in You. That’s what it means to be a strong man. Amen.

Ben Gumienny is SO grateful to live in such a beautiful setting. He enjoys the people within his community and lately has enjoyed all the scents of spring.