The Crucible of Family

by Ben Gumienny

This week I had the opportunity to sit in on some job interviews that were happening for summer positions at the church. As each of the different candidates told us about themselves, it was interesting to observe the way their life experiences shaped them into who they are today. Obviously you can only get to know people a little in a short interview but certain patterns were consistently recognizable across the board. One the of the most evident of these patterns was that of the effect their family had on them. As each of them spoke about their parents or their siblings, you could see direct co-relations to their personalities and the life choices that they had made that showed all throughout their resumes. For better or worse (or both) their family had played a significant part in shaping who they were in the present.

As the saying goes, “You can’t choose your family”. In a society that is over-saturated with choice, this stands out as something that the product developers have not yet been able to change. Like it or not, we are born or placed into a family and they represent the crucible of relationship that we will be developed within. Family is where God intended us to first learn love, forgiveness and many other essentials to the human experience. The relationships within our family and how we respond to them will affect the way we approach life, God and every other relationship we have throughout our entire lives. And there is no quick-fix to family frustrations and struggles. Even if we walk away from the relationships, it doesn’t erase the mother/father/sister/brother connections we have. In fact, it just leaves large pockets of unfinished business that continue to affect us throughout the years.

In the same way that God places us in natural families, I believe He also wants to place us into spiritual families. He has chosen for us to live and be shaped within a spiritual community of people who are journeying towards Him together. He intends for us to learn many of these same lessons at a different level within spiritual family – loving others, forgiving, bearing one another’s burdens and sharing the joys and sorrows of the journey together. Unfortunately sometimes we short circuit His plan for spiritual family when we bail out when trouble arises. Look at the parallels here to marriage: It is also a covenant that one sticks through in difficult times and even when the heart pounding excitement of new romance wears off. In the same way, God desires for us to stay in the crucible of spiritual family until He releases us – even it isn’t always easy or exciting – because this plays a large part in forming the character He wants us to have as He makes us like Christ.

This is about more than just continuing to attend a certain church or put tithe into the offering plate. It is possible to be there but not really be there – much like an absentee parent who still lives in the home but who’s heart has obviously checked out. God wants us to come and make an effort to open our hearts daily to Him and others within the spiritual family, being available to grow and to help in others’ growth. Because in spiritual and natural family it can’t all be about us and what we get from it – that just leads to empty shallow lives that are centered around fulfilling our needs. The greatest joy and sorrow and ADVENTURE comes from fully embracing the spiritual (and natural) family that you have been given and entering into their lives; open to loving and serving the purpose that God has for you within the special place He has prepared for you in their hearts. For: “God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.” Ps. 68:6 (NLT)